|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Penny worshipers here in the United States are no doubt aware that penny atheists have launched yet another vile campaign to eliminate the penny from circulation. It is no part of the Penny Priestess' sacerdotal calling to debate the flimsy rationale put forward by the anti-penny plotters. Rather, the Priestess proposes to explore the theological issues presented by this incipient penny crisis. Can we continue lucky if there are no more lucky pennies to be found? Will the Penny God still be present in our lives when there are no more pennies?
In posing these questions, we seek to understand the nature of the sacral relationship between the found penny and the penny deity. In our sacramental observance of taking up the lost penny, does that penny embody our penny lord as a real presence, or do the penny and the ritual act of picking it up serve rather to symbolize, signify or commemorate the Penny God?
The fundamentals of the penny faith, as set forth in our Penny Catechism, do not exclude the possibility that the Penny God is really and substantially present in each and every found penny—either by consubstantiation in, with, and under the form of the penny, or by transubstantiation, meaning the penny's copper penny-ness is preserved only as an accident (that is, as appearance and not substance) and the humble penny is become the Penny God.
Such a doctrine, though possible, raises many irresolvable questions. At what moment does the Penny God become substantially embodied in the penny? When it is lost or when it is found? Does he then remain present in the picked-up penny, even after it is reverently deposited in one's lucky penny jar? Surely, since some people pick up pennies only to return them to circulation, many apparently ordinary pennies in one's pocket or purse might be the Penny God incoinate. If such be the case, then the devout penny worshiper should enshrine every penny received in the normal business of the day in a possibly-lucky penny jar, which then would need to be a very big jar.
We know that our beloved Penny God is not quite omniscient and not really omnipotent. As a logical corollary, he would be not quite omnipresent as well. Thus, any doctrine of real presence would seem to be stretching him rather thin. Alternatively, then, we may believe that the found penny is a symbol, not an embodiment, of the Lucky Penny God. When we kneel down and take up the fallen penny, the act is a commemorative observance, an expression of thanksgiving for luck received. This interpretation is also possible; however, there is a powerful argument to be raised against it. It would take a great deal of the pleasure out of finding a penny.
The Penny Priestess personally believes that the Penny God is spiritually (not substantially) present and indwelling at the moment—and at that moment only—when the devout worshiper bends to retrieve and grasp the lost penny. How is a mystery that we are not to know. She acknowledges the possibility of other theological constructions, however, and devoutly hopes that penny worshipers will not persecute, imprison and torture each other over these petty doctrinal disagreements, as worshipers of other gods all too frequently have.
But what if there were to be no more pennies?
Though the nation may abandon the penny, the Penny God will not utterly abandon his chosen people, those happy-go-lucky few who have picked up his holy pennies and honored his commandments. Our loving and compassionate Penny God is not a stickler for rituals and dogmas. So, it hardly seems likely that he would say to us, in effect, “Except you pick up the fallen penny, and treasure it, you shall not have luck.”
We have it on the authority of our penny traditions that Token, the Penny God, has walked amongst us in human form. Might he do so still? Or, in a true and permanent penny dearth, could he dwell instead in other discarded but-still-perfectly-good stuff—stray paperclips, ballpoints, rubber bands, and the like? We might then continue to worship him in the guise of holy garlands of found paperclips and mystical globes of found rubber bands. Inglorious as it would be for the Penny Priestess to reinvent herself as the Prelate of Paperclips or the Rector of Rubber Bands, she would do so for his holy sake.
 |
Penny God Home | |
Penny Catechism | |
The Penny Priestess Speaks | |
Sacred Mysteries of the Penny God | |
Ask the Penny Priestess |